As a natural empath, I have always been used to being the kind of person who people talk to and share their woes, problems or evens whinges, now I am saying no.
You will know from other posts and the main reason I no longer work my cognitive ability is not what it was. Share on XYou will know from other posts and the main reason I no longer work my cognitive ability is not what it was.
Now this is going to sound harsh and yes I do feel guilty for saying it or even thinking it, but if you knew what it takes me to concentrate on my own stresses and problems you might understand that I can’t take on other peoples too.
What are the signs
My way of dealing with things has always been to roll myself up into a ball and hide away, most of you won’t even know that I do this because it’s not anything I have shared before other than in a therapy session.
Gone are the days when I used to thrive on pressure to get me through the day, now I turn away from it instantly.
So yes the signs, the signs for me are when I turn notifications off on my phone meaning if I don’t know you are there I can’t stress over it. I do have certain numbers that are not silenced, Mum, Lucie and Jessica for example but sorry no one else is added to the exclusion list.
Where do I go
I go off to a place in my head that cuts off the outside world, it usually involves reading, listening to music/podcasts or binge-watching Netflix but you can guarantee I won’t be looking for messages.
It has taken many therapy sessions to get to this stage, so yes please don’t think I am rude if I can’t help you deal with your problems, I am just saying yes to me.
How do I feel
I feel guilty as hell that I can’t be there for people, that I can’t solve their problems, that I can’t point them in the right direction, I missed a valid point while supporting a friend recently by not picking up on something that was staring me in the face and could have caused no end of problems for that friend.
My mind just doesn’t process information like it used to, it’s one of the things that upsets me most about this illness because I have always prided myself on the quick thinking and problem solving and while I am dealing with your problems I can’t deal with my own.
What happens next
I will be saying no, just know that it has taken me an awful lot to get to this stage and while I would never turn someone away if I use the words “my mind doesn’t have the capacity to deal with this at the moment, but I am sure if you speak to or message so and so they will be able to help you far better than I can.” Know that I am at a stage where I can’t help you because doing so will put me under stress which in turn exacerbates my condition.
I am saying no!
Sometimes you have to put yourself first. Learning to say no isn’t easy, but often the kindest thing we can do for ourselves.